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In those OTHER multiverses, Oracle already bought it for $500mil

Strange IM conversation came my way the other night, whilst discussing some code a team I led wrote at a previous workplace, I think it highlights some crucial factors Oracle bring to the Enterprise Java World:

anon 9:04PM
[about that code]

crazymcphee 9:05 PM
well, it WAS perfect … CRAZY perfect

anon 9:06 PM
lol… no doubt it even spans a 2yr time frame and 2 organisational puchases later, with no impact

crazymcphee 9:07 PM
exactly. all future and past and alternative universe combinations taken care of forever. no changes necessary.

anon 9:08 PM
sweeet… it should be a product

crazymcphee 9:08 PM
oh it already is just not in this instantiation of the multiverse

anon 9:08 PM
this instance has finished run level 3 yet

crazymcphee 9:08 PM
but in those OTHER multiverses, Oracle already bought it for $500mil

anon 9:09 PM
hahaha, i can see you partying with ellison and his geisha girls ;D

crazymcphee 9:09 PM
tried a ‘sudo shutdown’ but something’s threadlocked the kernel

anon 9:10 PM
then I stepped in a core dump

crazymcphee 9:10 PM
that’s why i’m hard at work building a mutiverse portal so i get me a slice of sweet ellison geisha-girl action

and here you are thinking about some OTHER sort of portal when i said i was working on an ‘Oracle 10g Portal Implementation’

anon 9:11 PM
don’t forget to add some proprietary and intrusive components that spread like a virus and grind all the other appservers to dust

crazymcphee 9:12 PM
well, that’s what at least half of those 10^100 multiverses full of new Indian IT grads are working on

I just send them a 500 page spec each month and they will get it to me at sometime before the death of this multiverse

anon 9:13 PM
that means it should be about ready by now, well as in it probably compiles in at least one of those multiverses, will be fully cmm lvl 5, yet not actually do what you asked

crazymcphee 9:13 PM
(oh by ‘spec’ i mean, a drunken rant shouted into my mobile phone on the walk home)

well, yes, but i’m fully expecting it will meet oracle’s stringent marketing requirements

anon 9:14 PM
well shit, they have to do some work, what do they expect, 4 u to write the code as well

yes marketing tickbox on the packaging is the only requirements they really need

crazymcphee 9:15 PM
yeah, i mean, hell, we pay at least $5.50 a day per developer …

oh we don’t tell the DEVELOPERS about the marketing tickbox requirements! they are super-secret. we just slap those on the box at the end. when i say ‘end’ i mean end of the box design process which has been ready for about 8 months now.